Today is the end of the ‘love’ series which I so enthusiastically had begun 35 days ago.
It feels like just yesterday when I was publishing the first post (Okayyy, that sounded just like Ollivander!). It wasn’t easy posting everyday – it was fun and inspirational, but I didn’t think it would be this tough. I don’t think I’ve done anything with such dedication – every single day. It feels awesome that I didn’t miss a single day, despite how busy I might have been.
Lohvme – Love and Ohm.
35 days of love and 1 successful day of meditation.
Yes! My first proper meditation was a couple of days ago. Unexpectedly and unplanned, I went to a meditation class during the weekend. I sat still without moving, twitching, frustration, itching…it was a miracle! It felt great!
The instructor belled the gong (that sounds so wrong – feel free to correct me).
We sat in meditation, staring at a point on the floor for maybe 30 minutes.
I admit I was giggling inside my head – staring at the floor is really funny.
Suddenly all kinds of sounds flooded my ears, which I was otherwise deaf to.
Birds chirping, traffic, wind, leaves rustling. They entered my ear drums as sound and landed on my lips as a smile.
I couldn’t help but smile almost throughout the meditation class. I was thoroughly enjoying myself!
Of course, thoughts didn’t completely leave me alone. My mind has a mind of it’s own – switches on and off as it wishes.
“Am I supposed to smile? The instructor’s going to think I’m mad.”
“Hmm. Let’s just focus on that mark on the floor. It’s perfect! That’s my spot!”
“I hope the instructor isn’t looking at me. Otherwise he’ll see me smiling and think I’m fooling around.”
“I wonder if other people are looking around. I can’t know unless I look to see – which I’m not going to do! I’m here to meditate. Concentrate! Where other people are looking is none of my concern.”
“Ha! I’m not twitching at all! This is perfect! I can’t believe I’m doing so great.”
At some point, a man came and sat in front of me and placed a “no sugar added” green tea bottle next to him.
I stared at the “no sugar added” label and wondered how green tea could be sweet without any added sweeteners.
“Surely they added other sweeteners as replacement? Sugar is so much better!”
“Stop looking at the bottle! Words do not help in meditation. Eckhart Tolle said so! Remember? Look at your spot!“
“Is the instructor staring at the floor too or is he looking around to see if we are doing our stares right? Don’t even try to find out! That would be awkward and weird and embarrassing.”
Just then, the instructor’s voice interrupts and he says, “Concentrate on your breath and focus on the floor.”
“Breath! I forgot to breathe! What? Of course I didn’t forget to breathe, sheesh! But I forgot to concentrate and pay attention!!! … … … It’s alright. Focus now.”
*Breathing in, breathing out* multiplied by numerous times later:
“I wonder if we’re going to keep this going for an entire hour? It’s not that it’s hard, I think I’m doing great…just…wondering…though.”
The instructor taps the bowl again and it vibrates. He asks us to stand up for walking meditation.
He asked us to wrap one hand in the other, look down and walk slowly and deliberately.
With great difficulty, I suppressed my giggles and kept my eyes down.
Every time the man in front of me walked over one spot, the floor creaked. And each time, I was afraid I’d crack and laugh aloud.
As if that wasn’t enough, thoughts constantly came and went like an express train.
“Everyone is so serious. Am I the only one finding this funny?”
“This feels like some sort of cult and as if we’re practicing some religious ritual. So much for being non-religious and non-traditional.”
“Why is everyone walking so slowly?”
At precisely that second, the instructor speaks out, “Let go of your thoughts. Feel your feet on the ground. Concentrate.”
“Okay, focus. Feel your feet – whatever that means.”
*Feeling feet on the ground* … Couples of seconds later:
“Oh my God! This is amazing! Haven’t I ever walked with bare feet until now? Why does this feel so new!? Mmm… this is great! This is meditation? It’s so nice!”
*Focusing on feeling my feet*
After around 20 minutes, we resumed the sitting meditation for another 20 minutes.
I thought I did great and that I was some sort of meditation prodigy because I didn’t feel any physical agitation.
But I was only doing well with the physical aspect of it. My mind was in its own world. Sure, it wasn’t wavering off to places outside the meditation room (okay, maybe once or twice), but it was hardly exceptional.
There’s another meditation class this weekend. This one will be 2 hours long. Let’s see how it goes!
Never thought the day would come when I’d be excited for meditation! 😀