Unconscious

All we have in life is this moment...
Okay. So I’ve been wanting to try meditation and have constantly tried ‘living in the moment’ or at least with as much awareness as possible.
When I first came across this (practice?), I was really excited. I envisioned meditating everyday and being calm and peaceful.
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I’ve never come across someone who said to me that it’s a messy, achingly slow and gradual process. People have told me that it’s hard in the beginning but that it’s life changing.
I decided to build a meditation practice.
I sat to meditate and voila! The first thought popped up – “what’s so hard about just sitting here in silence?”
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That was quickly followed by several other thoughts – “firstly, I’m not supposed to be thinking. Secondly, there’s no such thing as not supposed to be thinking and thirdly, I’m not supposed to be judging my thoughts or reprimanding them for interrupting my oh-so-peaceful time alone. Okay, shh. Shh isn’t a thought is it? Yes it is! Shh! I mean don’t think. Okay, no talking. Stop. Zzzzz. Wait, that’s a thought too. Oh my God, why am I talking in my head? Okay……*silence*.”
I’m sort of in awe with this concept of having to escape from ourselves – from our own minds. Imagine what horrors lie inside, for us to want to get as far away as we can!
Oh well.
I’m going to be honest here. I’ve tried meditation several times in the past ten months – I gave up too easily and too fast. Why? Because my back ached and my knees got all shaky and I suddenly felt like I had arthritis – pains in places and joints I didn’t even know could ache – ‘…*silence*… Ouch, my knees hurt … *shifting slightly* … why do my shoulders and back hurt so much? I feel like an old lady! Okay, concentrate … *silence*… Okay I can’t do this, this is too painful! Is it supposed to be this painful!? … *silence* …’
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Why would anyone want to do this to themselves?’ That’s the question I ask when I’m struggling and twitching all over. And then after those few moments – apart from almost 95% of the time twitching, I experience a tiny little bit of the non-chatter and silence and my question seems so… pointless and trivial.
I wanted this – the calm, the peace. But I wanted it without the intimidating silence (at which time, suddenly I get all comical and direct funny short films in my head), without the aches which seem to appear out of nowhere (I literally feel like an old woman), and without the guilt that comes with not sticking to it and doing it everyday or even every month!
I lost the will, the patience and the motivation to keep going. But I have quickly seen how differently my mind works when I’m practicing meditation and how it does when I don’t.
I have starting meditating again and this time, I hope to stick with it. Observing thoughts is good, but I do think I need some time apart for this. It makes a huge difference.
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The question is, will I call it quits or endure through the initial twitching and carry on.


Do you meditate? How did you form your practice? Do you want to? Or is it just not for you? I’m curious! I’d love to hear about your thoughts and experiences.
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42 comments

  1. NΓ­cia · · Reply

    Oh my gosh! I’ve so much to share on this subject! Here it goes:

    First, meditating shouldn’t be clearing your thoughts. I started as you did and felt the same way. But then, when chatting with a friend, I realized what I was doing wrong. You don’t have to stop thinking, as it’s almost impossible, but you need to be aware of your thoughts: where do they come from? Why am I thinking this? What is the chain of ideas? But also: What am I feeling? Why do I feel this way? What can I do to enhance it (if it’s good) or deal with it (if it’s bad)?

    (Never, ever, try to repress a thought. It will always come back, even stronger. It’s better to deal with it, and it will vanish alone. That’s why people don’t meditate on the first place or are ‘busy’ all the time: they don’t want to face their demons.)

    Meditation also lets you be aware of yourself, your body and your emotions, that’s why you feel your body aching. Instead on focusing on the pain, notice the way you breathe, how your chest and stomach reacts to oxygen and carbon dioxide. How your heart pumps the blood and beats, the pressure of your hands, the weight of your head, how the clothe feels on your skin.

    You can also observe, and absorb, your surroundings more deeply: you can notice a bird singing, the wind whispering, people talking, the smells, the little details around you: how that spot looks like a face, how the smell of grass remembers your childhood.

    Meditation is a way to know yourself, so all you have to do is listen to your inner-voice: listen to her, don’t try to shut it up. Because, that’s that voice that will show you your fears and how to deal with them, it’s that voice that will show your dreams and how to get there. it’s that voice that will make you fall in love with yourself and accept yourself for who you are, and exactly how you are at this exact moment. Not who you can be, but you, now.

    Think about this: what is to live in the moment? Isn’t to appreciate who you are, your capsule called body and your surroundings? Aren’t you doing that when you let your mind just be? Freeing your mind is only to let it speak. Let it be angry or joyful, don’t stop it. Just understand.

    Hope this helps!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. timelesswheel · ·

      Wow, that was a very impressive comment πŸ˜€

      I wasn’t trying to stop thinking or like blocking my thoughts.
      Different people have different definitions of meditation… some say, let the thoughts slide away, some say observe and contemplate, some say don’t pay any attention to thoughts, some say pay full attention to them as they arise.
      I guess it’s best if we don’t define it in any way personally because everyone might have a different way depending on if they want to take that time to contemplate/reflect, chant, engage/disengage the mind.
      I don’t have much to say personally, because I haven’t really gotten anywhere with it…

      Thank for so much for your insights and motivation! πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

    2. NΓ­cia · ·

      Oh, you’re right! Meditation shouldn’t be define, but that is what looks like for me. And it seemed you needed a new perspective. πŸ˜‰
      Just ry and see which one makes you feel better, in the long run, that’s all that matters.
      Oh, I also meditate when I walk or draw Mandalas. πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

    3. timelesswheel · ·

      BTW, this could make a good post πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

    4. NΓ­cia · ·

      Yes, it does. Thank you. πŸ˜‰ It’s already on my schedule, thanks for inspiring me. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your post echos what I have thought/felt about meditation many times. It can be daunting to even imagine practicing a perfect meditation.

    I have stopped thinking about meditation as a thing that must be done perfectly or done right. I think of it as my time to sit comfortably and be quiet within myself. Sometimes I let my dog sit on my lap for comfort (mine and his). Sometimes I lay flat on my back. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I listen to a guided meditation, sometimes I just say my mantra again and again and again.

    I constantly have those thoughts: Am I meditating? I wonder how long it’s been? Am I doing this right? And sometimes I think about my day, my worries, people I love. As soon as I become aware of these extra thoughts I send them away. If I have an itch, I scratch it. If I become uncomfortable, I shift my position. I have no rules except to give myself this time that I so desperately need.

    And when I give up on the idea of doing it right, or perfectly, I find that I can sit for 15 or 20 minutes and REALLY relax. I come back to the world and feel rejuvenated. I have done it to the best of my ability.

    Be kind to yourself. Practice different forms of meditation until you find the ones that suit you. If you have a less than good session, so what? Just try again. Be patient with yourself and it will happen.

    I am on Day 5 of a 21 day meditation challenge and I’d be delighted if you’d join me. Here’s the link to my page that talks about my challenge,should you feel inclined: https://pastpresentfuturewordpresscom.wordpress.com/2016/03/24/i-need-to-meditate-twenty-one-day-challenge/

    Keep trying! I know you can do this!
    Amy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. timelesswheel · ·

      Hi Amy! It’s wonderful to hear from you! Your way of meditating sounds amazing!! I guess it’s better this way to not have any rules or to focus more on the straight back or the duration etc… I must try without keeping any expectations from myself or even any sort of rules… I agree, patience is the key to form a discipline… and motivation+determination I guess.
      I just checked out your post and it’s a great idea. In fact I’m in middle of a meditation per week for a month challenge I gave myself (you can see the countdown on the blogroll) 21 days sounds awesome. I initially wanted to do 21 days as well, but decided to start small. Looking forward to reading about your post, post-completion πŸ™‚ You can do it! You’ll know when I take up the 21 day challenge πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for the motivation Amy πŸ™‚ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    2. that makes me SO happy! Thank you for letting me know. I just now completed a chakra meditation that was here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C0laqf93fg and I would highly recommend. I think it was 40 minutes so maybe work up to it. I want you to succeed and I know you can! Let me know how things go and let me know if I can help! Namaste!

      Liked by 1 person

    3. timelesswheel · ·

      Thanks for sharing! πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. Your experiences have been a lot like mine. But alas, I’m giving it another go. Have read a couple of books, many articles, etc on it but the one that hit me between the eyes and got through to my brain was 10% Happier by Dan Harris. You can read more about it in a post I recently did about it among other things here:
    https://alongthesideoftheroad.wordpress.com/2016/03/13/i-am-perfuctly-fecked-up-part-iii/
    Hope it helps, it sure did for me especially re: feeling like I had failed if I couldn’t keep my mind clear of thoughts. Marianne

    Liked by 2 people

    1. timelesswheel · ·

      Hi Marianne! It’s amazing that you haven’t given up πŸ™‚ I just read your post and it’s motivated me to keep trying and finding what works πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for sharing! πŸ™‚ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Glad you got something out of it. You haven’t given up either – because YOU are amazing! πŸ™‚ Marianne

      Liked by 1 person

    3. timelesswheel · ·

      Thank you! πŸ™‚ We can do it! πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

    4. You’re very welcome and YES we can do it! Marianne

      Liked by 1 person

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