“Don’t wait”, the Reiki practitioner said.
“Don’t wait for what”, I asked.
“Just don’t wait. For anyone. Or anything.”
She hit it right on spot. I was a waiting expert. I was great at waiting.
Waiting for my
boyfriend ex-boyfriend “no matter how long it took” (which meant forever), waiting to be ‘free’ and then travelling around the world. Waiting for the right moment, time, day to start meditating. Waiting for the right occasion to wear something.
Today while reading CracTpot’s post, I asked myself what I was saving all those nice pretty dresses for. I was saving it to go on some holiday with the boyfriend but now that was inapplicable. Now I am saving it for some occasion that will never come because I rarely go out nor do I have tea parties (or any party, for that matter) at home.
Before this post turns out to be about dresses, let me move on.
I could probably write a list of things and situations I was waiting for, and am at the moment.
And maybe, one day cross out those reasons for waiting.
Actually, I think that’s a good idea!
Okay, here goes.
To get married to my (ex)boyfriend/for him to ‘come back’– There’s no coming back. (08/02) The right time to meditate– starting today or I will when I will. No more waiting. (08/02) The right occasion to wear nice dresses and clothes– Thanks to CracTpot. (02/02) Already wearing something nice today. (08/02) For free time to start learning a language– Learning one right now (02/02) For free time to look up all those things I want to do but haven’t: Rock-climbing Self-defence lessons Lyrical hip-hop classes Travel Violin lessons
- Looked these up. It’s a wonder what we can do if we put our minds to it. (08/02)
To rent/own an apartment (to be happy and fulfilled)– Not required to be happy and fulfilled. (08/02) To get a new job (so I could rent/own an apartment to be happy and fulfilled)– Not required to be happy and fulfilled. (08/02) To get a pet (so I wouldn’t need to be lonely when I’m alone in the new apartment)– I’ll get one when I am in a place that allows pets, if not, that’s okay, no waiting. (08/02)
Basically, things/people, in order to be happy – this is perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learnt in the last few months. That nothing is needed to be happy or at peace. I’m still processing this…I understand the theory but I don’t really know it yet.
For many years I had been waiting for this or that to happen to make me happy.
“It is a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any” -Hugh Laurie
Here I was, or am, waiting for someone and something to happen or myself to be ready for and someone/something.
I’m realising that waiting is completely futile. It serves no purpose. I spent 3 years of my life waiting. And it wasn’t good. At all. I didn’t enjoy waiting. In fact I had uncountable moments of hair pulling. It was torture. I felt like I had no other choice other than wait in order to be happy. I was waiting to get married and move out of the country so I could be myself and finally be happy.
I felt like I had no choice but to wait in order to be happy.
What a ridiculous idea.
The fact is, if we want to be everything we can, we have to stop waiting (for whatever it may be). I realise that right moment/thing/person will never come if I keep imagining it happening somewhere in the future.
Waiting leaves an illusion of helplessness, we feel like there’s no choice. But there’s always a choice, and I’m choosing not to wait.
“If you are present, there is never any need for you to wait for anything. So next time somebody says, “Sorry to have kept you waiting,” you can reply, “That’s all right, I wasn’t waiting. I was just standing.” -Eckhart Tolle