Sometimes we cannot express in words or even in thoughts how we feel. But we can feel that energy in our skin. We can be in denial about how we feel around a person because we’ve known the person for a long time or because you need to be connected to that person for some reason (work, etc.) so you might have to ‘act’ like it’s all lovely and great. But you cannot deny that strange vibration on your skin that tells you this is not okay, you cannot completely ignore that sinking feeling in the heart. You can avoid thinking about it, or you can make excuses.
I have a tough time being myself. I don’t even know what ‘being myself’ means sometimes! I get all caught up in what and how I’m supposed to be that I don’t know what/who/how I am.
I act okay and keep up a smiling front while I try to completely ignore that sinking feeling and the uneasiness.
Maybe it is fear. Fear of reactions, loneliness, being wrong.
Funny I should talk about this now, when just a while ago I wrote about how I should not give in to fear. I didn’t say I mastered it though.
Again, I’m reminded of yet another post, and I’m telling myself right now, to not beat myself up for this.
Expectations – when we try to stand up to these, whether set by others or ourselves, we’re already setting ourselves up for failure.
I’m not talking about goals here though, goals are great, but expectations, I’m not so sure.
So what to do when that feeling comes knocking us out of our completely-figured-out life? (we think we have it all figured out – ha!).
Firstly, acknowledge it. It’s right in front of you (Actually, inside of you). All you need to do is open your eyes (and I’m not talking about the eyelids here).
It’s not easy to acknowledge that there is conflict raging inside of me, because I feel like acknowledging it sometimes might mean I have to solve it.
But the funny thing is, I don’t need to do anything. Eventually yes, but not immediately.
Just acknowledging my uneasiness and not denying it or ignoring it already liberates me a little.
It opens up a tiny bit of space inside of me.
Unless you acknowledge it, you can neither accept nor understand the person nor leave the situation.
What am I going to do with this uneasiness that I recently felt (which actually I’ve felt before, but avoided thinking about)?
I don’t know. I’m just going to let go and see what happens. Release that space I was holding on to unnecessarily.
Problems don’t disappear if we ignore them. Nor do feelings, people or relationships.
It’s important that we don’t cower, and instead face – head on.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Whatever it is that’s popping in your head right now, someone else could be thinking something much worse.
So take that piece of crumpled paper and either straighten it up and store it or throw it away in the bin. But don’t let it lie there in the middle of the table, don’t let it become the elephant in the room.